Monthly Archives: July 2014

Men Pretend to be Vulnerable

First published at elephant journal as What if He is More Vulnerable and Feminine than I am?

Many men pretend to be vulnerable so that we women don’t kick the emotional shit out of them, according to research by Brene Brown.

couple-stoneI brought this topic up in my last women’s group.

Men repeatedly told Brene in interviews that their women couldn’t handle their true, deep vulnerability. So they pretend to be vulnerable and only tell us what they think we can handle. My first thought was: how masculine of them—how very chivalrous and protective.

My second thought was the same one Brene had: Oh my gawd, I am the patriarchy, the oppressor.

We ask, even beg, men to tell us what’s going on inside, what they’re feeling, what emotions they are experiencing. “Please let me in,” we demand of them. We get upset when they won’t share with us.

But according to her research, when men do share the real emotions, the real pain, doubts and fears, we women very often can’t handle it—and men know this.

I related to my group the story of how it showed up in Brene’s life. She came home and saw that her husband was upset about some extended family issues. She immediately got angry and wanted to pick a fight with him. 1stphone6

Instead, and because she had done so much research about this very thing, she pretended she was in a movie taking direction, playing a character that knew how to handle that sort of situation without anger.

As a woman, I value safety over almost everything else. When a man admits to me that he is hurting, he’s sad and afraid, it scares me; I begin to lose my sense of safety in the relationship.

Because who’s in charge if he isn’t? He is the Masculine, the directed, focused, goal-oriented part of the relationship that normally keeps us on track.

I am not much of a picker of fights anymore, myself. I have learned to remember, and stick to, my third rule: when angry, don’t say anything. Tell the other person I am angry but need to cool down. Excuse myself. Wait until the anger subsides. Really think about what I want to say. Write it down—even practice saying it out loud.

coupleThen, and only bloody then, do I confront the other person. It might take minutes. Sometimes it takes days, weeks, months; it depends on the issue.

Anger is very often fueled by fear.

I do experience the anger Brene spoke of, though. It shows up for me as a kind of irritated impatience. Instead of hearing my man, I find myself listening to the questions in my own mind, “Why can’t you just man up and deal with this? Why are you telling me this?”

I try and drown out not only what he is saying, but also the fear it brings up in me.

I suggested to the group that they take a serious look at their own reaction in that type of situation. Do they close off? Do they go into anger, impatience and fear? How do they talk to their men at that point? Or, like me, do they run from it?

I know I want the men in my life to keep their hearts and ears open when I am expressing those vulnerable secrets I carry in here bumping around and bruising me from the inside—those very real-to-me, scary thoughts that I’m not enough, that there’s something so flawed in me that if anyone knew about that, they couldn’t possibly love me.

So it has become important for me to make sure I am doing the same for him—for all the men in my life—even if I must, like Brene, pretend I know what I’m doing until, hopefully, one day I really will. statue couple

That’s when one of the women asked me, “But what if all he ever expresses is vulnerability? I feel like I am always supporting him by listening to his fear and uncertainty. I don’t want to always be in that role. I feel like I always have to be the strong one in the relationship. Sometimes I really need him to Masculine-up and support me in my vulnerability.”

I admitted I didn’t know the complete answer to that question.

I probably told her to call Steve Horsmon, my go-to relationship coach to whom I send clients. That is usually my answer to questions of this ilk.

And seeing as how I want (and need!) the answer also, I contacted Steve and asked him if he would be so kind as to answer that question right here in this post.

Steve answers:

Many of the men I work with are working hard to step-up and provide a more positive, supportive and leading role in their relationships. One of their biggest complaints when they begin providing this energy is that their partner pushes back immediately.

They will say, “I want to be stronger and to support her, but she won’t let me. It’s like she wants it but doesn’t trust me when I try, so I just give up.”

Some women make the mistake of adopting the “strong one” role just because he isn’t doing it. They value their persona of the competent caretaker above all else. Their M.O. is to give, guide, organize, and lead their way to feeling in control of their life. couple holding hands

And they quietly stew in resentment for not getting more leadership and support from their partner. Receiving, accepting, allowing and following are very scary for these women.

But the only way to inspire a man to step into a stronger role is to consciously make room for him to do so.

Making room for him is very different than trying to change him. Making room for him and inspiring him to move into a stronger, more masculine role means you must outwardly and deliberately appreciate his masculinity.

The best way to do this is to get out of your own masculine energy. When you give a man sincere, feminine approval and praise for his unique strengths and ability to make you feel cared for and protected, you can inspire his confidence and willingness to do just that.

Affectionately invite him to liscam1sten to your feelings. Ask him to hold you tight. Tell him how his arms make you feel. Intentionally “soften” into his masculine energy and consistently help him feel safe in giving you this gift.

When a woman consciously allows her man to be more assertive and to be a source of comfort for her, he can more confidently ease into his masculine energy and will find out how much he likes being there for—himself and for her.

A woman’s power to inspire this in a man through her words and her touch is phenomenal.

This legendary form of feminine leadership is a critical component of a healthy relationship and a key skill in all aspects of a woman’s life.

 

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life and Relationship Coach and founder osteve horsmon photof Good Guys 2 Great Men. With a long corporate career in leadership and organizational training and development, Steve is a lifelong student and “passionate pursuer” of the communication and personal development skills required for healthy and satisfying relationships. You can connect with him via Facebook too.

Grace is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Registered Psychotherapist in Ft. Collins, CO, USA. She sees clients and facilitates Divine gracethanx2013.3Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women. She’s a flaming, Earth-loving, tree-hugging, save-the-Planet, believes-in-faeries, bike-riding, card-carrying, spiritual but not religious, hippie cowgirl liberal poet—yep, they do exist. You can find her blog here and her creations here. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

A Married Man’s Secret Tears and a Woman’s Response

Also published at elephant journal.

A Married Man’s Secret Tears
by Steve Horsmon

Do you know why romance and sensuality novels for women are so popular? Short answer:  The authors know exactly how to give women that feeling.

1stphone4That feeling has many facets and she loves them all. She tingles with the flirtatiousness of the conversation. She blushes at the boldness and sensual innuendo. She craves the unapologetic desire. She wants to be “taken” by her man. The sexual polarity and tension have her on pins and needles of pleasure. She is aching for the climactic release from this torture.And he doesn’t quite get it. He can read the same passage and have a lukewarm response.

Sure, it’s a little titillating. But it’s not the kind of “romance” language he has told me he is longing for.

He is a long-time, married man who is just dying to star in a different scene.

Just as he struggles to understand her emotional reaction to those scenes written for her, she can also be clueless about his deepest desires. And it’s not a sex scene.

To him, it seems she just doesn’t understand (or doesn’t care?) why reading this scene will almost always bring a tear to his eye and a lump in his throat.

More than anything, he wants that feeling, and only she has the power to supply that.

The Romance Story That Can Make Men Cry

They were finally alone. He had been looking forward to doing this for months and she finally agreed to a getaway for just the two of them. The kids were with grandma and they will finally have a chance to reconnect as a man and woman – not as dad and mom.

Their truck was cruising west on the hot desert highway into a beautiful sunset as one of their favorite songs from high school came on the radio. They both started humming the song and broke into the chorus at the exact same time. They both laughed and smiled without talking as the song ended. After another few miles, she gently reached across the top of the bench seat and her hand her found the back of his head. Hcrying maner fingers rolled and massaged through his hair as she delivered the most loving half-scratch, half-massage treatment he hadn’t felt in a long time.

He caught her looking at him out of the side of his eye and said, “What’s that look for?”

She kept eye contact and grinned as she said, “This was such a good plan. I’m so happy you’re my man. Thank you making me go on this trip. We both need this, don’t we?”

As they pulled into town that night, he realized he had not even noticed the last 100 miles. While his truck found its own way, he had been traveling on Cloud Nine.

Many women reading this will think I’m full of crap. The men know I’m not.

Remember, the leading man in this story has been married for 14 years, has three kids aged 13, 11, and 9, and he lives in a rat race of work, relatives, friends, home maintenance, and weekend soccer tournaments.

Sure, his sex life could be better. He wishes it was better. He has even looked at some real porn.

But that’s not what he longs for in his heart. It isn’t the loss of sexual intimacy that causes the tear and the lump to form.

It’s the loss of his emotional and sensual connection with his only romantic partner in life. He craves her presence, respect, and trust. She is the only woman who has the power to lift him up and make him want to conquer the world for her.

Yet he feels that she no longer wants to be that woman for him. She gives herself and her energy to just about anyone but him. And it makes him sad. It makes him fearful of his future. The sadness and fear show up in his life as anger.

The Truth Behind His Anger

Anger of this type is a secondary emotion. It is a reaction to the thoughts of what he believes he has lost and of the fear of where he thinks he will wind up.

The dream of “happily ever after” for most men includes the idea of a long-term, committed, romantic, and sexual relationship with a woman who shares his values and desire to maintain a healthy, trusting, respectful, and intimate relationship. The dream is full of good feelings, supportive words, and loving actions.

For many men, it feels like this dream is dying right in
front of him and there is no way to stop it.

Can he be more supportive? Can he be more caring and sensitive? Can he take more responsibility for planning and getting things done? Yep.

He’s been working hard at being better. He wants to be a man that he can be proud of. He wants a woman who is outwardly proud of him and openly appreciates him.

Most days all he needs to keep working is a good head scratch and a loving vote of confidence.

What is she thinking and what should he do?

A Woman Responds
by Grace

Why can’t we touch you in affection right now? Why does it take so long for us to open up to you again, to have sex again?

It all boils down to trust and safety. These are major needs for women.

Why We Don’t Trust You (Yet)

Reason One:  Safety

Please keep in mind that from birth, girls are taught not to trust men. We are all taught, at a very young age, about how to dress and not dress, how to act and not act, where to walk at night, when it is okay to walk alone and when not, don’t “lure” men. Don’t trust men.

To make my point: I knew young male years ago who was a cross-dresser, taking hormones and considering sex-change surgery. When dressed as a female, he very much looked like a very attractive female. One night while walking home alone dressed as a woman, he was sexually harassed from across the street by a group of men. They followed him for more than a block, threatening to rape him. Thankfully they finally gave up and left.

This had certainly never happened to him as a male. He told me it was the most frightened he had ever been in his young life. He had never had to think about whether he was walking alone or not, never thought about having to plan his clothes and his walking route differently because he was a woman.

This is something, unfortunately, that all women have to think about on so many levels—safety. This is in the “DNA” of every female.

I want to be very clear. I am not saying that every man is inherently violent or unsafe. I am also not saying that it’s okay for a woman to see herself as a victim of society. I am saying that in our world, out of necessity, women are taught about their personal safety. It is the world we live in.

To women, touch not accompanied by emotional safety is scary.

Reason Two:  We Need you to be Strong in your Masculine Energy

We need you to be consistent. We need you to be your own man, to stick to your N.U.T.s. We need you to be impeccable with your word. If you tell us you are going to do something, we need you to do that. If you can’t follow through, we need you to tell us as soon as you know that—even about things that seem small to you. Or not only will we lose respect for you, we will begin to feel unsafe with you. kissing couple

And without that safety, we are closed to you—and often even to ourselves. We are waiting for you to offer us strong, directed, safe, Masculine energy. We need to know that you are in it for the long haul, that when we open up and let you see this Pandora’s Box of emotions, you are going to stand strong and not retreat.

David Deida puts it this way: “…if you don’t trust your man because he is undirected, scattered ambiguous or otherwise weak in his masculine energy, this will undercut your relationship, reducing your passion, your sexual attraction and your trust of each other.”

Reason Three:  History

It is not that we don’t want to touch you. We know it’s important. We’re afraid to touch you in affection, because we have seen in the past that you take that as a green light to sex. We don’t feel safe enough yet to have sex. We do not want to send you mixed messages.

When you keep touching us before we trust you enough for that and if you continue interpreting our simple affectionate touches as a sexual green light, you erode the trust even further. In fact, you risk destroying any new trust that might have recently been established.

Please take sex off the table.

Don’t get me wrong, we women love attention, touch and sex! That simple hand on the small of our back as we walk through a door tells us wonderful volumes about your love and respect for us, your desire for us. We women want and crave that too and will always want more of it—unless we are not feeling emotionally safe, unless we feel, even subconsciously, that we cannot trust you for some reason.

And are you only putting effort into the relationship when you think we’re leaving you? Some women don’t want to open up and “let down their guard,” because they know that if they do, you will stop being affectionate, or stop putting effort into connecting with us as soon as you think we have decided to stay.

One woman tells me, “I’m afraid to give in, because every time I do, he becomes an emotional child again and stops doing all the lovely things he was doing to woo me. He starts ignoring me again and taking me and the relationship for granted.”

The Proverbial Bottom Line

Most women are afraid to open their hearts again to their man, because the only thing worse than getting our hearts broken by someone new, is getting it broken by the same man over and over again. It is too painful. (Read: We love you.)

We’re thinking things like: What if he really can’t (or won’t) stand in his Masculine energy for us? What if he can’t be impeccable with his life and his word? What if we open this huge dam holding back all these scary emotions, and he can’t handle all this emotion, all this anger, this fear, the doubt?open to DF

To try and open up before we feel safe enough and trust you enough to do that, feels like a self-betrayal. It feels like we are not taking care of ourselves, like we are compromising ourselves. Like we are just giving in to please you. We know that is not how you really want to connect with us. It is not how we want to connect with you.

The Solution

Please be patient with us and don’t take it personally. We are working on our stuff, our blocks to opening to you. If we compromise our own safety by having sex with you before we are ready, you would lose respect for us on a very deep level. We would lose respect for ourselves—and for you.

We know you’re sad, fearful and angry. So are we. We know it took two to get us to this scary place. It is going to take two to get back to trust, safety and love.

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life and Relationship Coach and foundesteve horsmon photor of Good Guys 2 Great Men. With a long corporate career in leadership and organizational training and development, Steve is a lifelong student and “passionate pursuer” of the communication and personal development skills required for healthy and satisfying relationships. You can connect with him via Facebook too.

Grace is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Registered Psychotherapist in Ft. Collins, CO, USA. She gracethanx2013.3sees clients and facilitates Divine Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women. She’s a flaming, Earth-loving, tree-hugging, save-the-Planet, believes-in-faeries, bike-riding, card-carrying, spiritual but not religious, hippie cowgirl liberal poet therapist—yep, they do exist. You can find her creations here. You can also connect with her on Twitter.

Grow a Vagina

Originally published at Elephant Journal as If you Wanna Be Tough, Grow a Vagina
“Why do people say, “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.” ~Sheng Wang (and actually not Betty White)

As a woman, I am tired of the disrespect shown to women by the incorrect naming of our genitals. I’m not necessarily talking about slang words. I am, rather, talking about when men and women use the word “vagina” (or other singular word) to denote the entire female groin area.

vulvarose1I can’t figure out if this is a natural shift in language usage (The dropping of “ly” off of adverbs is so common now, I can only assume it will soon be an official rule. The poor “ly” will be forgotten and archaic. Destined to be relegated to those articles about words that used to be popular but that now no one has even heard of), or if it’s a lack of education and knowledge.

Or maybe it’s a product of shame.

The vagina is actually the internal tube (the birth canal) leading from the uterus to the outside of the body; “vagina” does not name the entire groin area.

I don’t understand the reduction of the beautiful, highly functional, well-designed, female genitals to one, incorrectly assigned word. I don’t understand why we are settling for this oversight, and to my mind, this lack, this ignorance, this norm of making the female less—less known, less important, less studied, less worthy of respect.

I cannot participate in perpetuating this.

I think women’s bodies, and therefore women, will continue to be objectified and seen as less-than for as long as it is acceptable to be ignorant and ashamed of the female body.

The famous line spoken by a kindergartener out of the (highly entertaining!) Arnold Schwarzenager movie, Kindergarten Cop, comes to mind: “Men have a penis; women have a vagina.” And while these things are true, it is not the full truth.

Not knowing and/or speaking that entire truth feels demeaning to women—on a large, societal, even global, scale. To me, it’s like saying our female bodies aren’t worth knowing, aren’t worth studying, aren’t worth naming correctly, aren’t important enough to be bothered with and that they are too shameful.

How offended would you be if someone pointedly refused, even after repeated corrections, to call you by your correct name? Would you see it as a slight, a passive aggressive attempt to belittle you in some way?

When a woman is seen in a nude, upright, full frontal view, the vagina isn’t seen. It’s the vulva that’s visible. You might see part of the clitoris at the top/front of the vulva or even, further back, the usually frilly labia minor peeking out from inside the vulva, but the vagina, itself, is not in sight.

This, my latest rant on this subject, was prompted by a young woman’s question on a Facebook group page of which I am a member. It is a group dedicated to and in pursuit of natural, “crunchy” alternatives for living. It is a group for those of us wanting to reduce our footprint on the Planet in whatever way we can.

The question she asked was: “Personal hygiene question! What do you use to wash your vagina? Besides plain water.”

I had the feeling she meant “my entire genital region” when she wrote this, but that is definitely not what she said. And it turned out to be true, because later in that same thread she explained she didn’t mean inside the vagina. However, she still did not use the word “vulva,” “genitals,” or even a slang term to denote the entire area.

The Cunt

Some time back, while researching the origins of the word “cunt,” I came across The Vagina Monologues definition:

“So when an abuser calls a woman a “cunt” he is actually calling her a “queen who invented writing and numerals.” Girls and women can thus reclaim the words in our language that have been used as weapons against us in emotionally explosive situations.”

If you need/want some good perspective on the word “cunt,” check out Jeannine Parvati Baker and her book Hygieia, A Woman’s Herbal, where she talks about how important it is to have “cunt consciousness.”

The only time I have an issue with slang words for genitals, is when those words are taught to a child because parents/society is too ashamed to use the correct words. I have no problem with slang words that are commonly used to refer to the vagina—if they are used to denote the vagina itself and not the entire female genital area and if they aren’t used unilaterally.

I also see no problem with the popular terms: “lady parts,” “sexy bits,” “girly bits,” etc. Because it is pretty clear, from the plural status, that they refer to the vulva and its entire contents.

There are many commonly used words to mean “vagina,” some slang, some in different languages: “pussy,” “yoni,” “vajayjay,” “cunt,” “twat,” etc.—none of which even give me pause.

I don’t even have a problem with the word “gash”—as one of my girlfriends was called by a man years ago in what he hoped would be an insulting fashion. She just laughed, looked him up and down in that marvelous, putting-jerks-in-their-place way she has and sauntered away, unaffected.

The Vulva

Wikipedia defines “vulva” as:  “The vulva consists of the external genital organs of the female mammal.”

The term used in medical circles for the vulva is the “mons pubis” (Latin for “pubic mound”).

The human female genitals consist of the vulva (the outside part you see when the woman is standing with legs together, full frontal), then (for simplicity’s sake)—front to back is: the clitoris, the urethra (where urine/pee exits the body), then the vagina, and finally—behind the vulva—the anus (where feces/poop exits the body).

I know that’s a lot of things in one small area, but we really do owe it to ourselves, our lovers (if you and/or your lover happen to be a female), our children, and to every woman on the Planet—past, present, future—to be respectful enough to know a woman’s body parts.

Once, during sex, I had to teach a grown man that the thing he was massaging, and much to my discomfort (while thinking, “Up or down, buddy, one way or the other”), was actually the urethra and not the clitoris.

His education consisted of me gently moving his fingers to the clitoris while saying, “It’s right there.” And then showing him, with my body movements and voice, how much I appreciated the switch.

A simple search of “human female external reproductive viscera” online will pull up many literal, clear pictures of women’s genitals. Go ahead and have a look; I’ll wait.

It’s a beautiful work of art, the vulva.

The Clitoris

It has not been until recent years that anyone has even bothered to study the clitoris. It was a couple of women, of course, that expanded that virtually nonexistent research. So therefore I was surprised to learn that the clitoris is primarily an internal organ. Internally, it encircles the vagina. Check out this great MRI of an erect clitoris.

“Sadly, it is precisely because the clitoris has no function apart from female pleasure that science has neglected to study it as intricately as the penis…In 2005 The American Urological Association published one of Dr. O’Connell’s reports on clitoral anatomy. The report itself even states, “The anatomy of the clitoris has not been stable with time as would be expected. To a major extent its study has been dominated by social factors … Some recent anatomy textbooks omit a description of the clitoris. By comparison, pages are devoted to penile anatomy.”

Sexism and Slang

At one point, years ago, I decided that to own and study the book The Joy of Sex might be a good idea. I could not stomach the text, however, because he insisted on calling the woman’s vagina a “pussy.”

I found his insistence upon using the word “pussy” to name the vagina objectionable only because he also, throughout the entire book, used the word “penis” for penis. He didn’t use the word “dick,” “schlong,” “cock,” “johnson,” etc.

Why did he think it was okay to call the vagina a “pussy,” but called the penis by its correct, English equivalent?

If he had used a slang word for penis, as he did for vagina, I might have actually purchased the book. For a book that’s purpose was supposedly to make sex about equality for men and women, I found it quite sexist and demeaning to women. I understand the book has been revised in the last few years from its original version, but I have not looked to see if that has been changed.

The Naming

What does it tell a child when we won’t even teach her/him the correct names for body parts?

I absolutely reject the idea of teaching a child slang, incorrect names for body parts that we, as a society have decided are too embarrassing or shameful to talk about.

From the very beginning of my daughter’s life, I taught her the correct names for body parts—all of her body parts, to include her vulva and its contents—the same way I taught her the correct names for everything else in her world. Because if we, as humans, were not somehow embarrassed and ashamed of bodies, sex and bodily functions, that’s what everyone would just naturally do.

I didn’t use the excuse that “those words” are too difficult for a child to remember—or too many. I didn’t use the excuse that there are so many slang words for genitals that if I teach her the correct terms she won’t be able to make sense of anything later.

I didn’t use the excuse that it was too embarrassing (it wasn’t) or too difficult. I didn’t use the excuse that one vague, fear-based term like “down there,” for example, was good enough for my daughter and her journey through her lifetime.

This is a child who, as a toddler, and with the most intense, serious, questioning look on her face that told me she had already given it quite a bit of thought, asked me, “Momma, did I have on clothes when I came out of your bagina?”

“Lord no, child, it was hard enough getting you out of there naked and slick. I can’t imagine having to do it with buttons and zippers in the way.” And we both laughed at that funny image.

It enrages me when I hear parents ask the question, “My daughter is starting to explore her body now, so what should I tell her to call those parts?” How about their real names, for humanity’s sake?!

She’ll come across plenty of slang words as she grows up, she’ll encounter all types of misinformation, but at least start her, arm her, with the truth.

The Body

I want to honor bodies—all bodies. I want to understand them. I want my daughter to understand, know and honor her body.

I want to help usher in the idea that the body might simply be a normal, healthy tool for navigating life—that it’s parts might be called just what they are called.

I want female bodies to be just as important, revered, studied and understood as male bodies. I want to live in a world where females are treated with respect—their bodies, themselves.

I want to live in a world where bodies are seen for their beauty and for their function, a world where we honor them and don’t abuse them.

A world where it is safe for my daughter to walk alone at night in her female body.

A world where I don’t have to evaluate my safety parameters based on what I wear on my female body.

A world that doesn’t see exposed female skin as an open invitation for sexual assault.

A world where a woman’s body is not seen as dirty, wrong, unknown, wanton.

A world where ignorance—about anatomy, sex, bodily functions, sexuality, the body, what constitutes respect and what doesn’t—is not tolerated.

Growing a Vagina

So I am growing a vagina, and I am speaking up—for women, men, children, humanity and bodies—but mostly for peace. The peace that might be possible if all people were seen as equal and as equally deserving, equally important, equally worthy, equally entitled to safety in their body.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask, and I think it begins with respect for the body—chiefly, respect for the highly ignored, under-appreciated, female body.

what others are saying

grace1 july2014I am a Certified Hypnotherapist, Ordained Minister, Registered Psychotherapist, Metaphysical Counselor, Reiki Practitioner, Artist in Fort Collins, Colorado, U.S.A.

I offer individualized, intuitive sessions for clients and facilitate Divine Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women.

Here’s what others (clients, peers, workshop participants) are saying:

     “I’ve had the privilege of knowing and working with Grace Cooley for about a year now. In this time I’ve gotten to meet and work with the women who seek her help in being open to their Divine Feminine. These women have achieved a level of awareness and personal power that is rare and alluring. In their presence, my masculine energy FEELS their authenticity, vulnerability, and powerful feminine energy.
      The men I coach with relationship issues are yearning to feel that kind energy from their partners. Apparently, Grace has some kind of gift to create experiences for women which allow them to discover and embrace this energy within. Amazing Grace, I say.”
~ Steve Horsmon, Goodguys2Greatmen Coaching, 970. 484. 8241

“Thanks Grace.
I appreciate so much the opportunity to work with you and look deeper into myself to figure out who I am, what I stand for, and how to be the best woman/person I can be.”
S. in Fort Collins, CO

“Hi Grace,
I just wanted to take a minute to let you know how much I enjoyed your Divine Feminine class. We were able to get through stuff that would have taken forever to complete on our own. Being more in touch with my feminine self is such a blessing and the insight I gained from your class was priceless. Thank you so much for putting it together and making us feel safe and secure enough to have such a full experience. Looking forward to an encore.
Love ~ J. in Cheyenne, WY

“Grace’s class has helped me with accessing depths of inner strength, wisdom and direction through hypnosis and group discussion. She has a wealth of techniques, is very intuitive and skillful at bringing inner metaphor into everyday, practical application. My relationships with myself and my spouse are better for having taken the class.”
love you,
~ T. in Fort Collins, CO

“Thank you for being my guide on this journey Grace! It has been so rewarding for me and I believe that I am forever changed because of it.”
With gratitude and love,
~ H. in Fort Collins, CO

“My plate was already filled to the brim when I signed up for the Divine Feminine class with Grace.  I signed up anyway because I felt it was an opportunity I should not miss and I was right. I became a stronger and more empowered woman, which is always a good thing.  And at the same time, my heart is more open and filled with more love than it’s been in a long time!  I’m so grateful I took the class!  Grace and the class were amazing!”                                                              ~ B. in Fort Collins, CO

Contact info:  cooley.grace@gmail.com