How to Tell if Your House is Haunted.

It can be an unsettling thought to think your house might be haunted. But truly, most houses do have some type of supernatural stuff going on. It really is very common. However, some folks know for sure their house is haunted, because it is obvious. I’ll cover some obvious signs first and then move on to the more subtle ones.

Visibility

I’ve cleared houses where the occupants are certain of haunting, because the ghosts were actually making themselves visible to the people in the house. One such clearing involved a ghost that was appearing out of proverbial thin air and scaring the children. And while this is not the norm for ghosts (most like to keep to themselves), it certainly does happen. The possibility of seeing a ghost mostly depends on the ghost, but also how sensitive the residents are. Some folks are simply more sensitive to this sort of thing and can see ghosts better than others. Some see ghosts in their mind’s eye and some see them with their physical eyes. That particular ghost was mean and arrogant with the goal of amusing himself by scaring people. He fed on the energy of their fear.

Other visible signs to be aware of are vapor, shadows of figures, mist, and movement out of the corner of the eye.

Physicality

When physicality gets added into the haunting mix, things can get a lot more serious, because people can get hurt. But they may also only touch your arm so that you feel as if someone blew air across the hairs of your arm. You may feel as if someone just breathed on the back of your neck. Or you may wake up with unexplained scratches, bruises, bites, or red marks on your body. Again, it will depend on the ghost and their personality. The aforementioned ghost who appeared in front of the children to scare them also tried pushing family members down the stairs.

Some ghosts want to do actual physical harm to humans. One such case happened with a woman who fought nightly with the same male figure in her dreams. For a long time, she thought she was simply having nightmares. He always attack her, straddled her chest, and would try and strangle her, and she spent her nights fighting him off. Her husband slept soundly beside her, none the wiser. She told him about the dreams the next day, but he wrote it off as her just having nightmares. But one night during her battle with the ghost while “dreaming,” the ghost hit her under the chin with his fist. It was quite painful and her head whipped back with the blow, but she still managed to fight him off again that night. But the next day her chin and neck were swollen and bruised. That is finally when she called me. Please don’t wait until it gets to that stage of danger before you call me for help!

And unfortunately, there are also ghosts who have tried to rape people in their sleep. This happened to me personally a few years ago. One night as I was sleeping a man I was attracted to appeared in my dream and began to make love to me. At first I thought it was just a really great dream, but quickly it became obvious that that was not the case. Firstly, it didn’t quite feel like a dream. It had a dark, desperate feeling. Secondly, when I put my hands on his back, his skin felt weird. There were pocks all over his back. Instantly, I knew something was not right. I woke up with a start and began to quickly clear him out. He seemed surprised, and then angry, when I energetically whisked him right out of my space and took him home.

A ghost may also manipulate inanimate physical objects. For instance, lights flicker (or maybe you suddenly have electrical problems in your home), doors and/or windows slam shut or open, electrical/technical issues with computers and phones, battery-operated toys move without batteries in them, objects move, wind chimes move and make noise indoors (where there is no wind), objects disappear and reappear somewhere else, etc.

Noises and Smells

Some ghosts make noises. They knock on walls, doors, and windows. Or they will make a noise that wakes you, but it appears that no one is there, so you assume it was a dream. Some bump around against walls and pipes in attics and basements when they are angry or upset, making sure they get your attention. Some may be vocal, also. You may hear a voice or laughter or a conversation with no one else in the house, and it may be obvious that it did not come from outside. They also may slam doors and windows.

Sometimes it is possible to smell a ghost. That ghost may be communicating by producing a smell that had meaning for them. For example, a woman who always wore a signature perfume in her physical life may smell of that same perfume as a ghost. A ghost who loved gardening may smell like roses. A ghost with dark intent may smell like feces—or like rot, etc.

Unusual Thoughts and/or Dreams (Including Personality Changes)

If you have a ghost living with you, no matter their temperament, they will influence your dreams and thoughts. Thought-sharing is inevitable when you are in close proximity with anyone—including ghosts. You probably don’t consciously realize it, but it happens anyway. Some ghosts influence your dreams and thoughts intentionally, intent on doing harm. Or perhaps they just like amusing themselves by messing with you.

Think about it. If you were a soul that was lost and lonely—your friends and family died years ago—and you don’t really remember who you are anymore, then if would make sense that you would get bored and begin experimenting with your immediate environment and the people in it.

If you or anyone you live with suddenly begins to have weird, dark, or scary dreams and/or nightmares, that is a clear sign that something weird is going on. One such instance was when a woman called me and told me that she and her husband had both had the same very scary sensation at night of being drowned in thick darkness. They both said it didn’t feel like a dream, but like they were weighed down by complete blackness. They both had to struggle to wake up.

Upon tuning in, I felt mental illness was involved with the sensations they had experienced. I asked her if they had had any recent contact with anyone who worked with mental patients in an institution. She told me that they had spent the weekend in a haunted hotel that was built in the 1880’s and used to be a hospital—with a mental ward in the basement. That made sense to me. The ghost had attached itself to them and followed them home (which is very common, by the way).

Please also be aware of anyone you live with that very suddenly becomes suicidal or has a drastic personality change. This is a serious sign and should be addressed as soon as possible. Some suicide victims kill themselves but then don’t realize they are dead, so they will attach to someone living and then negatively influence their thoughts. Their soul may be hanging out, still depressed, not realizing it is dead, and attach to someone healthy and happy.

Feeling Like You are Being Watched

This is one of the less obvious signs of a ghost, but you really should not ignore the feeling—especially if it suddenly starts happening and you’ve never noticed it before. Ghosts and entities of all sorts are everywhere, so it is really not unusual for one of them to follow you and make itself at home. If you have a feeling that someone or something is watching you—even though you can’t see anything—it may be true.

Most ghosts are not perverts, although there are exceptions, of course. Most ghosts are simply lonely and just want to hang out somewhere where they can hide or don’t feel threatened. They may even be embarrassed to watch you and may leave when you are dressing or bathing. It depends on the ghost, how they died, and their personality when they had a physical body.

Pet Behavior

If your pet suddenly begins to act strangely, don’t ignore it. Is your pet suddenly always fascinated by nothing that you can see? Does he/she stare at nothing, as if watching someone/thing invisible? Another sign to watch for is if your pet starts to be afraid of things and places in your home where it has never shown such concern. Your dog may not want to go into certain rooms, for instance, when she has never had problems in that room before. They may become territorial and protective, trying to protect you from the ghost, but because you cannot see the ghost, you may assume they are just misbehaving. Again, this is best judged when you suddenly see a behavioral change that was not there before.

Sudden Stains and Weird Substances

If you notice a stain somewhere in your house—ceiling, walls, floors—that is sudden and is not being caused by obvious physical means (leaks in the roof, etc.), you should take notice and be aware. Some ghosts manifest in interesting ways, and this is one of the common ones. A client called me because she watched a dark stain appear one night above her bead in the ceiling. It moved around as she watched. Once the entity was removed, the stain disappeared.

Also, if you notice weird, unexplained substances appearing and/or dripping on you or things in your house, you should beware. This is a clear sign of paranormal activity.

History of your House

Have you just moved in and noticed weird stuff happening? Did you check the history of the house before you purchased it? Does this house have frequent turnover of residents and/or owners? There are many reasons a house could have ghosts, and traumas and dramas that happened in your house could be one of those reasons. Traumatic deaths of all sorts can leave ghosts attached to a house. Drama and abuse can leave bad energy and ghosts attached to a room or whole house. If you do some research on the house before inhabiting it and find some of this in its history, you may be looking at a haunted house.

The Good News

All of these problems can be fixed. I know you want your dreams to be your dreams and not be influenced by a ghost. I know you really want to buy that house, because you fell in love with it, but are afraid it’s haunted. I know this stuff can be scary. I’ve been doing this work since 1993. Give me a call if you notice any of these signs, because I’m your huckleberry.

The Difference Between a Ghost, a Demon, a Generic Entity, Aliens, Negative Energy, and Shadow People.

There are many types of entities and energies that could cause you to conclude that your house is haunted, so let’s look at some different types and definitions. Keep in mind that none of them is welcome or should be allowed to stay in your home, and all of them are very easily taken care of.

Ghost

The most common type of haunting is a simple ghost. I define a “ghost” as a soul that, at one time, had a physical body that housed it. When the body died, the soul did not go to heaven/home/back to its creator/etc. There can be many reasons a soul does not cross over.

Demon

A “demon” is a different thing altogether. There are many types of demons. They usually have never been a physical human. They can be tricksters, ghosts who only think they are demons because they have been lost so long they can’t remember who they are, or downright evil (rare, thank goodness).

Entity

An “entity” can be any number of types of spirits that are not classified as a ghost or demon. Lots of times, when they can’t easily and quickly be classified as a ghost, demon, etc., I will simply conclude they are in that undefined category—and, of course, need to go. In that instance, I call upon the Escorts of Light to take the entity to wherever it needs to go. I do not pretend to know where that is, and it doesn’t matter. I trust my team, and I always ask that the entity is taken care of—that any and all darkness and confusion be removed so that it can know its true self.

Aliens

Aliens represent that category of beings who come from different dimensions/planets/planes and that may (or may not be) physically unseen on Earth. These include the Greys, the Lizzies, the Tall White Ones, the Crop Circle Dudes, etc. The process for removing them and insuring they do not return to bother you and yours, is a slightly different process than a usual house clearing, but is still very doable.

Negative Energy

Negative energy is a category given to the bad juju—of any and all varieties—that might be hanging out around you and in your home. This bad energy could come from an almost endless variety of sources:  someone very negative and depressed; someone wishing you harm; anger; a ghost or any of the other haunts herein; leftover bad juju from a death, divorce, trauma, etc.; a botched house clearing job (they didn’t know how to clean up and close spiritual doors afterwards and left you open to receiving unwelcome nonphysical guests and energies); someone messing around with magick who doesn’t really know what they are doing; someone trying to “summon” assistance or info from a source other than the Angels of God/Light, etc.

Some negative energy can actually take on the characteristics of a type of entity, ghost, etc. I don’t see this a lot, but it is possible. It usually occurs because there is (or has been) much energy being put into the negativity—or perhaps because it has been present for such a long time and has been accumulating.

One can also get negative energy via an attachment. See Ghostly Possession vs. Attachment for more info.

Shadow People

Shadow People are most often in the category of dimensional bleed-over. They can also be related to a time loop. What happens is easy to explain once you understand that there is no such thing as time and no such thing as space. When you think about that some, you realize that everything is taking place right here and right now.

What can happen when everything is happening right here and right now is that sometimes something from another dimension/plane/frequency/lifetime is bleeding over into your current dimension/plane/frequency/lifetime. It is easy enough to repair or construct some energetic barriers that will keep them from bleeding through.

Shadow People are often mistaken for poltergeist, because sometimes we can hear physical sounds from them with our physical ears. They usually do not register our presence or cannot hear us, even though we may be able to hear them talking to someone in their own dimension. Occasionally, Shadow People will also notice us, but that doesn’t happen very often.

The Good News

All of these can be easily removed and taken care of. Please do not suffer at the hands of a haunting just because someone “qualified” told you something can’t be removed—or because they said the entity told them they are not ready to go. There is a solution to all of these problems—and many more. And please do not think you have to be searching for a specific type of healer/person that goes by a specific type of name (magician, necromancer, etc.) before your problem can be resolved. I’m your huckleberry, your renaissance spiritual warrior, and I can help you out.

Why You don’t Want a Ghost Living with You.

Over the years, when clearing their house, clients tell me to only remove the not nice ghosts and let the ghosts stay if they are nice. I have always refused. And here is why.

To address this issue, we must first define the word “ghost.” When I say “ghost,” I refer to those beings who, at one time, were physical beings and whose physical body died. The soul then left the deceased body, but did not cross over and go home (heaven).

When I ask ghosts why they did not originally cross over, they have given me many reasons why a soul does not cross over when the body dies.

Ghosts, quite simply, do not belong on the Earth plane. If your house has ghosts, then they are souls that are stuck and/or lost—or perhaps they are in a time loop. They once walked the Earth in a physical body and had a life. As a ghost, they want to go home, just like everyone else. They want to see their families again; they want to be unstuck and rescued—even when they say they don’t. To know how to take them home and not do so just because a client wants something interesting to tell their friends, would be highly cruel, in my opinion. I will always refuse to let that happen.

There are other reasons, too, however, to avoid living with ghosts. When a soul leaves the body because the body has died, and then doesn’t (for whatever reason) cross over and go home, they often begin to draw energy from the physical beings around them—that’s you, your family, and your pets.

Depending on how long they’ve been lost, they may forget who they were and who they really are. They may get bitter, angry, confused, depressed, etc., because they have been away from home and reminders of their divinity for so long. They may get bored and begin “playing” with you and your family to keep from going crazy and to alleviate the boredom. And what may seem like playing to them, could seem cruel and scary to your kids who do not like being pushed and scratched by “that mean man in our basement.”

A few ghosts hang around so long that they begin to be able to manipulate the physical plane as well as the nonphysical. These will take the form of poltergeists. They are able to move physical objects, make noises (whispering in your ear, thumps and knocking), harm humans (choking, scratching, etc.), and mess with computers, electricity, and/or mechanical objects.

Ghosts (as well as other entities) can also begin to influence you and your kids’ thoughts and dreams. That’s why I urge folks who very suddenly start having new thoughts and dreams that are weird, violent, suicidal, and very unlike their usual thoughts and dreams to call me as soon as possible.

Some ghosts may have been lost for so long that they even begin to think of themselves as “evil.” I have seldom run across a truly evil soul; most have simply convinced themselves of that over time. However, they may be acting out that “evilness” anyway, and you and your family may be paying the price for their mis-belief. Before escorting them home, I always address any and all ghosts I remove and help them remember who they really are:  a beautiful, powerful, divine soul who has just been lost too long to remember for themselves. 

There are many ghosts I remove that say they do not want to go home. This is usually because they have forgotten about home, forgotten they were once physical, have become attached to other humans, and/or don’t’ realize they are dead. Some even try and put up a fight and think they can avoid going. Those are the ones that most need to be reminded about who they really are.

I take them anyway, and they always come back later to say thank you. But if they come back to thank me, aren’t they classified as a “ghost” again? No. Once they have been home, once the darkness and confusion has been lifted from them, and once they realize who they are and what they could actually be doing instead of hanging out in the basement scaring your kids, they very seldom want to stay Earthbound.

And even if they decide to stay for a while, they know where their home is and know they can return any time they want. They are not stuck anymore. They are free. And after crossing over and coming back, they are never evil, mean, or intentionally scary.

Please do not think that because your ghost is nice that you have a right to keep it captive in your house like a pet. Please be kind to them, and give me a call so that I can help them out.

Ghostly Possession vs. Attachment.

It is seldom that I see a full-on possession. A possession is when an entity or ghost of some sort is actually inside your body most of the time, controlling some or all of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. However, attachments are quite common. I call them attachments, because they will have an energetic attachment (cord) between you and them.

Unfortunately, it is not difficult to pick up an entity/ghost as an attachment. They are everywhere. And just like physical beings, they cover the entire spectrum from harmless to evil, from disinterested to manipulative and nasty. When an entity or ghost gets attached to someone, it usually means they have more influence over that person. They influence your thoughts and feelings.

A perfect example of what it feels like to have an attachment is when you suddenly, without any precipitating factors, think or feel something really weird and/or foreign for you. As an example: Once while giving a haunted historical tour with my friend, (local historian) Suzy Riding, a ghost attached himself to our group (me) and proceeded to follow us on the tour.

I didn’t realize it, however, until I looked over at a man walking on the sidewalk with his young daughter on his shoulders. They were not a part of the tour, but I had a vision of him taking her by her ankles and whipping her forward and face-first, violently slamming her into the concrete of the sidewalk. The thought/vision was so very horrible and violent, that instantly I knew I had an attachment—because that sort of thought would have never come from me.

I did a quick check, and sure enough, he was with the tour/me. He expressed arrogance when he realized I had detected him. He was surprised when I immediately bundled him up and handed him over to be taken home. We continued with the tour without further incident.

Attachments can even affect your thoughts to the point of making your suddenly suicidal. Those who commit suicide are usually so depressed and detached from their own reality, that when their body dies, they don’t even realize it. Then they can very easily attach to someone else. At that point, because they are attached to a live physical body, they become obsessed, again, with killing themselves, not realizing they have already accomplished that very thing. And because attached entities affect our thoughts and feelings, and because suicide victims’ thoughts are so very depressed and obsessive, the new person suddenly feels suicidal.

Unfortunately, you hear of it all the time:  how a happy, normal person very suddenly tries (or succeeds) to commit suicide. The people around them are mystified, and no one understands what happened. Pay attention if this happens to you or someone you know. Take it seriously—not just because it involves suicide, but also because it is too sudden, unusual, and weird. Any such weirdness should be respected, because it means something is not right. So many unexpected suicides could be prevented if folks had this info.

Attachments are resolved pretty much the same way as a house clearing. I will clear you, your house and property, your vehicles, possibly your workplace, etc. every time I do work for you, because I want you to be safe, and I don’t want any ghost/entity to be lost. Check my contact page for current costs and more details.

For more great info, check out the book People who Don’t Know They’re Dead.

If you suspect you have an attachment and need help removing it, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I have years of experience with this sort of thing and can help you out. And if you think you—or someone you know—is possessed, it may be a possession, but it may only be an attachment. Either way, I’m your huckleberry.

The Reasons a Soul Does not Cross Over or How to Become a Ghost.

In the many years I have been talking to ghosts, clearing houses, and taking ghosts home, I have discovered a few main reasons souls do not cross over—and then end up becoming ghosts. Here are just a few of the main reasons.

Fire and Brimstone

The most common reason relates to religion. Either they believed in hell and damnation and are afraid they did not measure up and don’t deserve to go to heaven, so that they are afraid to move or go anywhere, afraid it will be hell they are headed to. So they fearfully stay put. Or they had no spiritual/religious beliefs at all and don’t know what to expect, so they stay put because they are lost and confused.

Not Letting Go

Some souls are too concerned with the physical beings left living. They worry about their spouse, kids, or their parents. Their family is grieving so hard and is resisting letting them go so badly that they become so involved with trying to make the ones left behind feel better, that they stay—and keep staying, and staying—until they can’t remember why they were staying in the first place. They may stay Earthbound so long that their loved ones themselves die, and they don’t even know who these physical people are anymore, these people who live in the house where they used to live.

Some souls do come back, after crossing over, to become Guides for their loved ones—whether for a short while or for a long time. But this is not a good idea until that soul has crossed over first. I always tell the souls I escort home that they are welcome to come back and visit as much as they want once they’ve gone home first.

Souls can also be strongly connected to a place or time in their lives. They may love the home where they grew up. Maybe their spouse died upstairs in bed in that house. Maybe they were born in that house, their own parents later died of old age in that house, they were married in the parlor downstairs, and they died in bed upstairs. They could have a lot of reasons to cling to a place and not cross over.

You Can Help Them Cross Over

The best thing to do when a loved-one dies? Release them and tell them you are sad but okay with them crossing over. Tell them that after they have crossed over, they are then welcome to come back and visit—if you are comfortable with that. Wish them well and Godspeed. Be happy for them that they get to go home and that they will be there to help you when you get ready to cross over.

And also do your own, personal grieving. This is important for you. Just because you know they are going home (to a good place), doesn’t mean you are necessarily suddenly cured of all your sadness. It’s okay to tell them to cross over even while you are sad at the same time. You can be accepting and grieve simultaneously.

Trauma

Sometimes souls get confused after dying traumatically. Trauma can mean anything from a violent, sudden death to a lingering, long, suffering death. When a soul dies after a long time in a coma, for instance, they can be confused about whether they are actually dead or not, and about where they should go. They have been hanging around a comatose body for so long, that they become confused. Any type of trauma can cause confusion and make the soul wonder where it is supposed to be. They may go to their own funeral, go to the house they lived in, and try to talk to their friends and family, not understanding why no one will acknowledge them.

People who Don’t Know They’re Dead

An interesting class of ghost is that of those who don’t realize they are dead (again, folks that have been half alive—comatose—for a long time can experience this). This can also cause time loops (see below). Many folks who have had a near-death experience (NDE) and come back to tell us about it, did not realize their body was dead. They followed it around for a long time, trying to figure out what to do and what was happening.

Not realizing your body has died can happen for lots of reasons, not the least of which is suicide. They can’t remember how they got to this weird in-between place, they don’t know what to do, and everyone acts as if they aren’t there, so no one will answer their questions to inform them of any options.  

Time Loops

Some folks are in such death denial that they continue living their lives as if nothing unusual happened after they leave their physical body. Some of those may get caught up into a time loop. These may or may not be related to shadow people. What often happens is that a soul will relive some incident (maybe even their death scene) over and over. When it loops through to the ending of that scene, they just start living it over again. Poor dears.

Time loops can involve the actual souls, themselves, or it can also be an energetic “memory” stuck in a place. Time loops may be about the happiest time of their life, or the scariest, or the most meaningful, or, as I have already stated, their death. Time loops have a higher percentage of happening if the death was very violent and/or unusual. Violent murders can, unfortunately, easily cause tragic time loops.

Time loops can be the cause of a type of shadow people. Shadow people are sometimes detected by homeowners as translucent, shadowy figures that are in their home, but seem to be uninvolved with the home’s current, physical occupants. They describe the shadowy figures as going about their own business, seeming to have no awareness of the actual physical humans present. The shadow figures do not interact with, react to, or even notice the homeowner and the homeowner’s family.

They do not interact for two reasons: 1. They are an energetic memory only, so that no actual souls are even present, or 2. a soul(s) is present, but it is so caught up in the drama of the memory loop (and it believes the memory loop is their Real life), that it is aware of nothing else—including actual physical humans.

The Good News

All of these are fixable and easily resolved. I don’t like any soul to suffer in any way, so it is important to me to make sure I get as many souls as possible back where they belong:  Home. And trust me, even if they are nice, you don’t want a ghost living with you.

what others are saying

I am a Certified Hypnotherapist, Ordained Minister, Registered Psychotherapist, Metaphysical Counselor, Reiki Practitioner, Artist in Fort Collins, Colorado, U.S.A.

I offer individualized, intuitive sessions for clients and facilitate Divine Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women.

Here’s what others (clients, peers, workshop participants) are saying:

     “I’ve had the privilege of knowing and working with Grace Cooley for about a year now. In this time I’ve gotten to meet and work with the women who seek her help in being open to their Divine Feminine. These women have achieved a level of awareness and personal power that is rare and alluring. In their presence, my masculine energy FEELS their authenticity, vulnerability, and powerful feminine energy.
      The men I coach with relationship issues are yearning to feel that kind energy from their partners. Apparently, Grace has some kind of gift to create experiences for women which allow them to discover and embrace this energy within. Amazing Grace, I say.”
~ Steve Horsmon, Goodguys2Greatmen Coaching, 970. 484. 8241

“Thanks Grace.
I appreciate so much the opportunity to work with you and look deeper into myself to figure out who I am, what I stand for, and how to be the best woman/person I can be.”
S. in Fort Collins, CO

“Hi Grace,
I just wanted to take a minute to let you know how much I enjoyed your Divine Feminine class. We were able to get through stuff that would have taken forever to complete on our own. Being more in touch with my feminine self is such a blessing and the insight I gained from your class was priceless. Thank you so much for putting it together and making us feel safe and secure enough to have such a full experience. Looking forward to an encore.”
Love ~ J. in Cheyenne, WY

“Grace’s class has helped me with accessing depths of inner strength, wisdom and direction through hypnosis and group discussion. She has a wealth of techniques, is very intuitive and skillful at bringing inner metaphor into everyday, practical application. My relationships with myself and my spouse are better for having taken the class.”
love you,
~ T. in Fort Collins, CO

“Thank you for being my guide on this journey Grace! It has been so rewarding for me and I believe that I am forever changed because of it.”
With gratitude and love,
~ H. in Fort Collins, CO

“My plate was already filled to the brim when I signed up for the Divine Feminine class with Grace.  I signed up anyway because I felt it was an opportunity I should not miss and I was right. I became a stronger and more empowered woman, which is always a good thing.  And at the same time, my heart is more open and filled with more love than it’s been in a long time!  I’m so grateful I took the class!  Grace and the class were amazing!”                                                              ~ B. in Fort Collins, CO

Contact info:  cooley.grace@gmail.com

what I learned from a dating website scam—about myself, about men

I feel like I actually won, somehow, because while he got no money from me, I came out on the other end of a scam feeling empowered and richer.

I was recently scammed via a dating website. I won’t mention which one it was—mainly because it doesn’t matter. When I told close friends about the scam, many of them said it had also happened to them on various other dating websites—so the site itself is not the issue.

I’m also not going to discuss any of the “red flags” I noticed during this experience but ignored for various, probably self-deceptive, reasons – because that would only give scammers ideas about how to improve the scam. But I am going to talk about what I learned.

Because I learned a lot.

There’s a lot of information circulating right now about Masculine and Feminine energy. Women are learning how focused and goal-oriented men are. And women are beginning to understand that this is a big turn-on. There is nothing so sexy as a focused, self-directed man who is going after what he wants – whether it’s a woman, that new job or the big, cosmic, spiritual goal of living his life with integrity, purpose and clarity.

It is simply a massive turn-on to be around a man who is living for himself first and putting all other things second—including me. Steve Horsmon says it well in his GoodGuys2GreatMen blog post. “The truth is, a woman can not help but honor a man who first honors himself by having the integrity to stand for and live by his values.”

I was surprised and extremely relieved that within minutes of publishing my dating website profile, several men already wanted to connect with me. Sometime within the last two years, while I’d worked on my own issues, I had made a new rule for myself. I don’t initiate anything with men. They must make first contact. It was a good rule, trust me.

In those two years I had, once again, taken a serious look at my life, and I didn’t like what I saw. And I believed that if I didn’t like something about my life, I had the ability to change it. I had done it before. I was determined to do it again. I began by exploring and changing the only thing I have absolute power over: what I believe, think and say.

When I looked back at all my romantic relationships, I found that I was always the person to initiate the exchange. In fact, I was usually the person pushing frantically to make it happen. Consequently, I had always been in relationships with very passive men—which I then proceeded to bully into being more masculine. Gawd, I can’t tell you how very embarrassing that was to admit to myself!

I could see that I had always put myself in a self-protected, dominant “masculine” place on the masculine to feminine spectrum. From my research, I began to understand that Feminine and Masculine energies are always seeking polarization and balance. Like the poles on a magnet, like repels like and opposite poles attract. It was no wonder, then, that I had always attracted sensitive, passive, or even “feminine,” men.

I began to pay attention to my own energy and beliefs associated with the masculine and feminine. When searching for why I was so resistant (and even hostile) to receiving men’s masculine gifts/energy, I had to go back to childhood. I realized it was not safe in my childhood to appear “weak” or “less than” by receiving help from anyone—especially from males.

My adult rejection of Masculine gifts was founded upon good reason (survivor of abuse), but had become a defensive, knee-jerk habit that no longer served me. I started by taking the emotional charge off the originating source. And yes, it was painful and difficult to look at and heal.

So having done my work—and still doing my work (lordy, does it ever end?), I was confident I was ready to let men, and the Universe, lead. I just wasn’t so sure how that would look.

I did still have moments of panic, when I wondered if I was truly ready and if I could live the lessons I’d learned or not—but mostly, I was excited to begin something totally new for me: the art of embodying the Divine Feminine and of allowing. After many months of research and healing, I certainly needed the practice of walking around in my new, allowing skin, so I stepped carefully and introspectively into this dating website. I occasionally freaked-out a bit and thought of removing my profile, but I ignored that sensation every time it came up, rallied and kept moving forward.

I let men initiate every connection I made on the dating site. So when one of the men suggested he call me and email me instead of using the site’s messaging system, I liked that he was taking charge of the situation and moving things forward. I agreed and gave him my phone number and email address.

His energy during our first phone call was obvious. I liked it. It was focused, direct. I could tell he had a mission. The mission seemed clear to me. I like this woman. Get to know this woman. During the next few days, he asked direct questions, he expressed interest in me and my life, we laughed a lot together. We were soon talking twice a day, in the morning to start our day and in the evening, before going to sleep. We were also emailing often.

I woke up every morning, remembered and smiled. I could feel my heart sigh happily, expanded and relaxed, felt it stretch inside my chest like a big fat tabby cat with a full belly and nowhere to go. I languished. I turned to greet the sun each morning warming the bed through the window and imagined seeing his sleeping form beside me. I imaged waking him gently and slowly with kisses that would start on the back of his broad neck (he had sent photos of a man—some included a son—another scam victim?). I’d work my way up to his ear and then pull myself up and over him, so that I’d be lying in front of him, still kissing him easily—on the eyelids, the nose…

He would grumble, then smile as he came back up from the deep and pull me closer with a sleepy laugh. I craved that familiarity with him, that habit and ease of intimacy. Every sunrise, upon waking, I was hopeful and happy and imaged some form of this perfect morning. But he wasn’t there yet, and I liked that too, liked the thick anticipation of it. I didn’t want him there too soon.

I loved the feeling of walking around every day knowing we were falling in love with each other as we talked on the phone and emailed each other. I felt like we were becoming a team, and I loved the feeling of him having my back, of having someone who adored me. I felt safer in the world, knowing we were coming together as a couple. With these feelings growing inside me, I walked taller every day—stood up straighter, felt powerful, safe and almost smug in his warm regard.

I felt important to him. I felt his masculine, goal-focused energy directed at me, at wooing me. It felt heavenly. I had never felt energy this intense from a man. Partly, I’m sure, because I had never allowed it. Before this, I had made everything happen—not allowing the man to direct anything.

In hindsight, I know the reason that his energy was so intense was because this was how this man made his living.

Men, being men, are often very focused on their career and making money. One of the ways they show love for their woman and family is to make money. This is one of the masculine gifts they bring to the world. The intensity of that focus on career/job is primal, I think, for men. It is one of the strongest urges he has. The scammer took that directed, intense, masculine energy normally reserved for focusing on a career, because wooing women was his career, and focused that energy on me.

He was confident in his abilities, as odious as they were. It must have worked for him before, because I could feel that confidence. I’m not saying I support him or scams. I think it’s petty, deceptive and sociopathic to even attempt to prey on anyone in this manner.

The point I’m making is this: It felt pretty fucking amazing to be the focal point of that type of intense, masculine energy normally reserved for a man’s career. It was like a highly addictive drug that I couldn’t get enough of, for fuck’s sake.

Gentlemen, I have just handed you the keys to the proverbial female kingdom. Lock and load your first 20-round magazine and fire at will. 🙂

Information Men can take away from this Experience

Take that unbelievably amazing, goal-driven, concentrated masculine energy that you usually reserve for making a living and a career and focus it on your woman once in a while. We don’t want you to give up yourself and your life for us—that is extremely unattractive, and we will lose respect for you if you do that. But we do want, on a regular basis, to feel that we are, in that moment (or those twenty minutes), the single most important thing to you.

I’m talking about the concentration and focus that you point at work, your career—that primal energy of survival, because that’s where your next meal is coming from. Focus on us like you do it for a living, like your life depends on it. We can feel the difference.

As women, we understand the courage it takes to be that vulnerable. We have a deep respect for that—especially when it comes from a man.

You become our hero when you do this for us. Because you care enough to really pay attention and then act on it. You know the perfect time to call us, how to touch us, when to tease us and when not to—all because you took that how-can-I-win-this-contract way of thinking and applied it to your wooing of us and turned it into the how-can-I-win-and-keep-her-heart-and-respect way of thinking.

Please lead the way for us, with your strong, directed masculine energy. Because when you offer that to us, it creates a safe place for us inside the protection of your love, your attention. It frees us to be able to do the same for you.

We women, with our seemingly scary, out of control, multi-tasking brains, will know you really see us and hear us when we turn off the hundreds of simultaneous thoughts, when we put down the phone, close the laptop, stop talking, etc., to concentrate on you and give you our undivided attention and vulnerability, when we genuinely open to you.

And when that shared focus becomes a wonderful habit, something that is a part of the normal, everyday way we love and live together? Dude, you have just become a girl’s dream come true right there.

What I am Taking Away from this Experience for Me

I learned that I really can embody Feminine energy. I was able to be the new, feminine person I wanted to be. I learned that I am able to keep my heart open during a budding relationship. At no time during the experience did I become defensive or reactive. I was just relaxed and allowing. I let him direct himself. I directed myself—powerfully and softly.

And while I felt disappointed as soon as the proverbial rug was pulled out from underneath me (which really felt more like a magic carpet ride, in this case), I never felt like I had done anything wrong or stupid. I still have not felt any shame. Because the only thing I was “guilty” of was being authentic, open and vulnerable.

I got to feel what I’ve always been missing and craving without even knowing I had been missing and craving it: to be the occasional, appropriate, single, determined focus of a man’s goal-oriented attention.

The experience gave me an example of how intense that focused, masculine energy could be—and how important and cherished it made me feel to be the recipient of that, how it filled me up to feel that coming from him. I was his goal. It felt stunning. For the first time in my life, I felt that with a confident man’s support and love, I could meet him there and support and love him too—in the healthy, adult, juicy, wild, authentic and close-to-the-bone way I have always wanted to be able to love.

I feel like I actually won, somehow, because while he got no money from me, I came out on the other end of a scam feeling empowered and richer.

The story continues here with:  The first phone conversation, or the fine art of penis thrusting.

Also published by The Elephant Journal

living in an ashram

For the past few years, I have been living in an ashram.  Or I have kept that mindset anyway.

Let me explain.

A few years ago I decided I didn’t really like my life, and I decided to do something about that. I decided to create a life I really liked and felt good about/in. So I began experimenting with what felt right/good. It took a while, too, b/c it took a while to figure out what worked and what didn’t. From that starting point, nothing really felt right/good.

You know how we get entrenched into the old stuff and even when new, and maybe even better, stuff comes along, we resist change. And how if we dare to try something – anything – new, it just doesn’t feel good until we give it some time, until we grow into it, until we feel comfy in that new thing. Well, that was me a few years ago: Determined to change something to feel better, but just not sure what that was or how that would look… or what to do…

After a while, though, I settled into a routine that I began to describe as “living in an ashram.” It went like this: I got up at 5am every morning to the gentle sound of monks chanting the Eternal Om as my wake up call. Three days a week I would work out cardio-wise – usually on my rowing machine. It made me feel good – while I was exercising and afterwards too. Twice a week I did yoga. I loved the soft, meditative Hatha flow of the yoga on my mat those mornings. In the warmer months, I did all this on my back deck, taking in the morning splendor. I rode my bike everywhere, loving the freedom, the air, how healthy and ‘green’ it made me feel. I ate healthy foods, and a lot of 100% dark chocolate. I still worked my ‘real’ job, still saw clients. I meditated every day. I looked at it like this: In an ashram, you get up early, you meditate and do devotional prayers/etc., you also have to do work to keep the ashram running – wash clothes, clean the floors, prepare food, weed the garden, etc. You also, in an ashram, sometimes have to go out into the ‘real’ world and interact with those not on your same path. All the things I was doing in my life.

It worked marvelously. I was happy. My life felt wonderful – maybe it was just all that chocolate, but life was good. For several years.

And then right around May – June 2013… it wasn’t.

I began to feel, again, that something was wrong. Nearly every morning, upon waking, I felt sad. Many mornings I cried in frustration as I woke up. Or I was angry – so angry that I cried and cursed. I did more of what I had been doing to make myself feel better: I meditated to try and come up with why this was; I exercised; I did yoga; I ate healthy foods. I asked the Universe to tell me what this was and how to fix it.

I happen to believe that those first few seconds upon waking are some of the most vulnerable, truthful, Real moments we get about ourselves, our lives. We haven’t had time to put on our social face or our spiritual face or whatever ‘face’ that is gonna keep me from hating life and crying. I tend to respect those few seconds and pay a lot of attention to them – they tell me volumes about me and my life – about my subconscious.

About the same time as things shifted, I began to explore the Divine Feminine (DF) energy I knew I had always had access to. I have been doing energy/light work for years. I always taught it the way I lived it – which is: The Divine is the Divine. It doesn’t matter if it’s Masculine or Feminine; it is pure. But I found I really wanted the Divine Feminine energy; I wanted to explore that, and so I kept searching, kept researching. I read several excellent books on the subject, among them Red Hot and Holy by Sera Beak and Powerful and Feminine by Rachel Jayne Groover.

Everything I encountered about the DF told me the same thing: Your way of connecting with the Divine may shift. You may not want to sit quietly and meditate any more – a very masculine way of reaching for the Divine, by the way. I thought I was listening for that call, the call of the Goddess. I thought I was ready to shift as needed. But apparently not, b/c I did not recognize it as that until just today.

Last week I began to think about experimenting again – duh! What took me so long to figure that out?! Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not happy about this experimenting. I didn’t just skip along and laugh merrily and decide to play with my life, happy to be changing everything about me and my life again. No, remember I said this had been going on for months. Months of frustration, anger, depression, anxiety – feeling powerless to figure out what it was and how to fix it, even though I was constantly trying to figure it out.

I think maybe I got to the point of just giving up. The “Oh, fuck it – whatever,” stage – said without any energy behind it.

So last week I didn’t exercise every day. I let the monks begin their chanting every morning at 5am, but I didn’t necessarily get up and do anything. A couple of mornings I reset the monks and went back to sleep – and smiled while doing it. One morning I just stayed in bed, listening to the monks, smiling, wallowing under the blankets, talking to the weenie dogs, just spending time languishing.

This morning at my sunny bathroom sink, after, once again, not rising and ‘sticking to the schedule.’ I had an “ah-ha” moment, when I realized I’m tired of living in an ashram. Even Liz Gilbert didn’t do that for more than a few months, for fuck’s sake! And I realized I would much rather live at a spa now.

I am currently changing my mindset to “living in a spa” – you know, the fancy, I-deserve-to-be-here-languishing-in-being-pampered type of spa. The one where you realize you want things to be really easy and fun. Where someone brings you things and you eat some ‘forbidden’ foods and might even gain some weight (gawd forbid!). I realized that I don’t want to be called out anymore by, what now feels like, my inner Drill Sergeant at 5am every morning to hit the road/rowing machine/yoga mat/etc.

I want to rest. I want to be pampered. I want to have fun. Don’t misunderstand: I loved “living in a ashram” for a few years. I was happy and had tons of fun doing that. It felt exactly right.

And I still love riding my bike everywhere – 7 miles a day, or more, on most days. I still work out, and I still love to meditate – to sit in the most excellent silence. But I’m not regimented about it any more. And if I need/want to skip something, I don’t freak out that I’m not adhering to the ashram’s schedule, somehow.

Fun is starting to look different than an ashram now. And for the first time in months, I feel hopeful and the beginning blush of happiness again.

Hypnotherapy Workshop: Open to the Divine Feminine

presented by Grace Cooley, Certified Hypnotherapist, Registered Psychotherapist

Open to the Divine Feminine
Open to Love

For Women Only
Single or Partnered

Open your heart, life and body to allow Real love. Connect with the juicy, sacred, powerful Divine Feminine Energy that you really are. Learn how to be Powerful, and at the same time, very Feminine and authentic.

Find, Heal and Release the Subconscious Beliefs/Blocks, and those aspects of yourself, that are keeping you from experiencing deep, satisfying, vulnerable love. You are safe here.

Are you wondering why you’re still single, when all you want is to be in a fantastic, loving and fun relationship? Are you already in a relationship but can’t figure out why you seem to be on the outside looking in at it – why you can’t seem to really connect with and surrender your heart to your lover? Are you wondering why you are attracting the same type of partner each time – one that doesn’t satisfy you? Do you imagine yourself in a much better, fulfilling life than the one you are currently living? Do you wonder why your man doesn’t seem to be very ‘masculine’ and what part you play in that?

This is not an airy-fairy workshop by any means! We will talk about how to take what we are learning into the real world, into your life and relationships. We will discuss specific things to say and do in specific circumstances – things to really help you navigate your relationships and your life/world from your Divine Feminine core.

Your mind is 15 – 20% conscious and 80 – 85% subconscious, and when the conscious and subconscious minds disagree, the subconscious thought/belief will always win. Your beliefs create your life – for better or worse. You are constantly – even when sleeping – emitting your very own, unique, signature frequency. And when that frequency is fueled by unconscious, and often, limiting beliefs, you are going to manifest that – no matter how much time you try to spend thinking good thoughts and saying positive affirmations. We need a way to release those hidden beliefs in order to get the conscious and subconscious working together. When the subconscious supports and agrees with your conscious goals, you unleash your maximum potential. And hypnosis is recognized as one of the most effective ways to access and affect the subconscious mind. Ninety percent of men, women and children easily learn hypnosis.  It is an education-communication system that allows the conscious and subconscious to communicate and then believe the same message and be on the same page.  Hypnosis automatically reduces stress, creates greater clarity, improves focus and enhances subconscious functions. You can even teach your body to regulate ‘automatic’ responses like blood pressure, wound healing, etc.

I am always honored to be allowed into your personal, sacred mind-space during hypnotherapy and group sessions, so rest assured that you are welcome and safe here. Even after the first session you will already feel lighter, more relaxed and open to love. And it just gets better from there, as we continue in a safe, supportive, loving environment to gently peel off the layers of you that need validation and love and healing.

Each class will include group hypnosis, journaling and sharing (at your comfort level). Bring something to write with and something to write on/in. Consider using a special journal to document this freeing, powerful journey for yourself – who knows, you may find, at some point, that you are writing the next best-seller!

This series will assist you in changing the way you define yourself as a woman. We will help you find, connect with and live from that Powerful, Divine part of you. You will blossom and begin to love & respect the Strong, Powerful Woman that you really are, and when you do that, you also begin to love, trust and respect others – you begin to Allow, you begin to respect and trust men and the Masculine aspects in your partner and potential partners. You will free yourself to receive the Masculine gifts offered to you by all the men in your life when you allow your own Feminine side to emerge. 

Wednesday nights – 6:30pm – 8:30pm in NW Fort Collins, CO
RSVP for location of classes and to reserve your spot – space is limited.
Please be prepared to take all the classes, as they build on each other

• April 30 – Introduction to Hypnotherapy and the Divine Feminine/Masculine and
  Assemble your Inner Team:  Find your Safe Place, Inner Advisor, Divine Feminine Aspects
• May 7 – Find and talk to the Wall (your subconscious beliefs) and the Guard
• May 14 – Gently heal those subconscious beliefs by going into the Secret Garden behind the Wall
• May 21 – Release the Past utilizing the Fire of Transformation
• May 28 – JUST ADDED! *Special Coaching Session with Steve Horsmon, Certified professional Life & Relationship Coach
• June 4 – Meet your Ideal Future, Sexy, Powerful, Divine Self and draw upon her wisdom

$170 for all sessions – paid at the first class, or $30 per session each time (a $600+ value if done in individual sessions).  cooley.grace@gmail.com to reserve your spot and/or for any questions you might have.

Find out more about Hypnotherapy and Grace here and here.

From a (married) woman who completed this series:  “I just wanted to take a minute to let you know how much I enjoyed your Divine Feminine class.  We were able to get through stuff that would have taken forever to complete on our own.  Being more in touch with my feminine self is such a blessing, and the insight I gained from your class was priceless.  Thank you so much for putting it together and making us feel safe and secure enough to have such a full experience.”

*About Steve Horsmon*
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life and Relationship Coach and founder of Good Guys 2 Great Men.

With a long corporate career in leadership and organizational training and development, Steve is a lifelong student and “passionate pursuer” of the communication and personal development skills required for healthy and satisfying relationships.

As an expert on relationship issues affecting single, married, and divorced men, Steve emphasizes the importance of men achieving clarity of their personal values – or Masculine Operating Principles. In addition to making commitments for personal improvements, his clients are also expected to become serious students of women, the nature of emotional safety, and human sexuality.

Using his consistent message of “we are absolutely equal, but we’re not the same”, Steve helps men choose to make changes within themselves that can lead to mutually rewarding intimate relationships with women. These changes are for one reason only – it helps them become the man they want to be.

Steve strongly believes in relationships built on an equal partnership of trust, respect, emotional safety, and intimacy. Men and women share the responsibility for making it happen. Steve coaches men on the power of choosing to “go first” with confidence and clarity. Many of his client referrals come from wives and girlfriends.

Find more information and an extensive blog archive at www.Goodguys2Greatmen.com. Find  his FaceBook page here.

Past Life Regressions in Hypnotherapy

Keep in mind that Hypnosis, in general, and especially past lifetime regressions, may take practice before you get the hang of it and feel comfortable enough with the process and how it feels to be able to have a full, vivid experience. Although some people will go instantly into a deep Hypnosis and then to a lifetime. We never really know until we give it a try. Even Brian Weiss, the author of Many Lives, Many Masters, and recognized expert in past life Hypnosis, admits it took him quite some time before he had a past life experience of his own, even though he had been helping his clients do that for a long time.

Your mind is 15 – 20% conscious and 80 – 85% subconscious, and when the conscious and subconscious minds disagree, the subconscious thought/belief will always win. When the subconscious supports and agrees with your conscious goals, you unleash your maximum potential. And hypnosis is recognized as one of the most effective ways to affect the subconscious mind. Ninety percent of men, women and children easily learn hypnosis.  It is an education-communication system that allows the conscious and subconscious to communicate and then believe the same message and be on the same page.  Hypnosis automatically reduces stress, creates greater clarity, improves focus and enhances subconscious functions. You can even teach your body to regulate ‘automatic’ responses like blood pressure, wound healing, etc.

Past life regressions, in Hypnotherapy, can be very helpful and are always fascinating, in my opinion.  Many times, when working on healing a specific issue, and we ask the subconscious to take us to the origins of that issue, we will go to a past life, b/c that is where that issue first began. In our quest to heal the issue by going to it’s birth/origination, we end up in another lifetime, working on the same issue in that life that the client is working on in this lifetime. The issue often gets passed on to each lifetime until the lesson is learned or it is no longer needed. When the issue gets healed in the past life during the Hypnotherapy session, it is often healed in the current life.

Some reasons to visit past lives include but are not limited to:
Find the source of
~ A fear or phobia
~ Karma with a specific person
~ An aliment, disease or pain
~ A limiting belief                                                                                                                                           ~ To find their current friends/lovers/family in other lives and explore certain dynamics of those relationships
~ To alleviate or ease the fear of death—this will often ease the grieving process, as the client then knows their loved one who recently crossed over is not really ‘dead.’

Something that might be important to remember is that most people have had many other lives – most probably as a human, but some people have been other species in dimensions other than the Earth plane. We also have all been both male and female at different times in different lives. We may have not always been the upstanding, fun, good people that we are now – we have done just about everything there is to do in those lives – this nearly always includes killing and hurting people. Usually the people/souls closest to us this lifetime have either killed us, or we have killed them – usually both, at one time or another.

So don’t be shocked if you jump into a lifetime where things don’t seem to be going well for you, b/c these are usually the types of things that have been passed from those lifetimes into our current one and that we are needing to work on.

It is also very possible to access “good” lives – lives that were easy and fun and where we had everything we needed and had a great childhood, etc. I will sometimes have clients visit this type of lifetime if they are having a bad time of it this lifetime in order to get them to remember what that feels like. We can also ask ourselves, in other lifetimes, what knowledge and wisdom we, in that other life, have to offer us now, in this lifetime, to help us succeed at something.

In doing past life regressions, it is nearly always possible to access “between” lifetimes – when we have died in a past life and have crossed over. It is in this state that we often receive very high, big-picture type of information for the client’s immediate use. Accessing future lives is also a possibility.

With any of this, and as always, don’t hesitate to contact me for more information, as I am happy to share what I have learned with you.
cooley.grace@gmail.com

Heal on.