Tag Archives: BWRT®

The Nothingness of Depression.

black-and-white-person-woman-girl

I am depressed today. And I don’t know where it comes from.

Is it a chemical reaction to something I’ve eaten? Is it related to my yearly battle with Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD)? Is it because I’m not being “true to myself,” and I’m stuffing emotions that I should be expressing, taking out and examining for a deeper meaning?

I don’t know. And I don’t care.

Years ago I was at my chiropractor’s office getting an adjustment. As he was asking about what was going on in my life, I mentioned I was somewhat depressed. His condescending response held the phrase, “…when you start feeling sorry for yourself…” I never went back to his office, even though I had been getting adjustments from him for years.

It was obvious he had no experience with depression. It was obvious he though “feeling sorry for yourself” was the same as depression. It is not. For me, even sadness has nothing to do with depression.

Depression is about “nothingness.”

Fast forward to just about a year ago. As a Hypnotherapist, I was learning a new technique to acquire a new tool to help my clients. This type of technique involves assisting the client to reprogram their thoughts and responses. As a part of the process, the client is encouraged to choose a better way of thinking (a “preferred response”), and to really make the new, better response very intense and active in their mind.

During the training, the instructor, while going over methods to use with clients who are depressed, said something about how “depressed patients are lazy,” because they don’t want to think of anything better.

Again, obviously he’s never been depressed. Because nothing could be further from the truth. It has nothing to do with wanting. It has everything to do with unable. Feeling sorry for yourself is light years away from true depression.

Depression is when there is nothing but deep darkness. I can’t even rise up enough to think about thinking of something better. “Something better” does not exist in depression. Depression is it’s own dark abyss where nothing else exists and movement is difficult, if not impossible.

Light and “preferred responses” cannot penetrate the lethargy, the fog, the thickness. “Something better” does not compute from within depression. It is not that depressed folks are lazy and therefore can’t remember a happier time; it is that happy does not exist; the past and future do not exist. Only darkness exists—in an eternal, deep, sucking Now. There is no direct route from depressed to happy.

The depressed person cannot move—in thought or body. Depression pushes down and pulls down, all at once, sucking me further in. It is stagnant and dark and terrifying, but I am too lethargic to react, too drugged with heaviness and apathy, to even express the terror. I get pulled in so deeply, that it physically hurts to open my eyes (my mind’s eyes, as well as my physical eyes) to try and look for something other than this black Now.

I usually find myself begging out loud for mercy, asking, “please…please…please…,” not wanting to continue the descent. The begging is as close as I can get to movement, to doing something proactive, to praying. I begin begging because, for me, there are levels of depression, and I don’t want to keep sinking. I beg for at least a full stop. I beg because I know how horrible it is further down in there, and please God I don’t want to go to that level again—please, not this time.

Depression sucks the will out of me. It sucks faith out of me. Reasoning goes next. Aversion shows up, and I am convinced that no one—not even my best girlfriend or my sweet, patient man—wants to take a desperate call from me right now. No one wants to put up with such a wretched person as I am right now.

Embarrassment is next, as I begin berating myself on how I should be able to pull myself back up out of this morass. And if I do somehow make it back up and out of this, how am I going to face everyone who noticed me sinking so deep and far away, who saw how worthless I was/am?

I am worthless, talent-less, lacking in reason and therefore have no place to go but further down, deeper into the abyss. It is the only place where I feel welcome, where I know no one will be forced to endure me, and so I let it pull me further in.

Is it a habit—like an addiction? Am I addicted to depression somehow—maybe on a chemical level that I am not consciously aware of? Because it is seductive, in a way. It is quiet, at least. It is a form of Now.

At least I don’t have to talk to anyone here. I don’t have to listen to anyone tell me how wonderful my life is and how I shouldn’t feel this way, how I shouldn’t succumb to the darkness, how I should be strong and resist it, how foolish it is to go so deeply away, to be so… absent.

That is what it feels like. It feels like I am not in the real world; I am absent. I am separated from the world by a thick, heavy fog that I can only barely see through to observe other humans.

It always feels like I’ve sunk too deep down into the rabbit hole to return.

the elephant journal version:  The Difference Between Feeling Sorry for Yourself and Depression

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Reprogram Your Habits and Fears.

Death_to_stock_photography_Vibrant (10 of 10)smallReprogram your thoughts and reactions to emotionally charged issues to the preferred response of your choice.

Have you ever tried to reprogram your own mind only to find that your mind has a mind of its own? No matter what problem you have or how long you’ve had it, re-configuring neural pathways your can help you go forth into the future without that problem.

Problems just melt away as if you’ve never had them. It is a way to reprogram yourself into the person you have always wanted to be. And yes, it seemed too good to be true to me too, when I first heard about it. But I have been using the therapy for over a year now and have experienced a 100% success rate—for myself and all my clients.

Reprogramming/re-configuring your neural pathways is a fast, easy way to permanently reprogram your thoughts and reactions to emotionally charged issues/beliefs/habits/addictions to the preferred response of your choice.

The benefits are:

1. The therapy is content-free. I, as the Practitioner, do not have to know what you are reprogramming. This is extremely valuable, because some things are so shameful and embarrassing that they cannot be spoken of out loud. This method allows you to repair the issue without ever telling me what you just worked on.

2. It is fast. The education/prep for the process actually takes longer than the process itself. You can expect to be permanently done with most issues in less than one hour. Indeed, the process itself usually takes about 10 minutes.

3. You get to choose your new reaction to the formerly troublesome (traumatic) memory/habit/belief. Some folks choose to be neutral. Some choose happiness and peace. One client programmed herself to want to exercise, so that she now gets up every morning cheerfully looking forward to her workout.

A partial list of problems this therapy has cured:

~Addictions
Smoking
Porn
Binge eating
Hording
Hair/eyelash pulling
~Phobias and fears
Spiders
Claustrophobia
Public Speaking
~Confidence issues
~Sexual Issues
~Anxiety and Panic Attacks
~Post Traumatic Stress
~Future Traumatic Stress (worry about bad things that might happen)
~Depression
~Relationship issues
~Past Abuse Resolution
~Habits
~Destructive/Negative Beliefs
~Weight and Health Management
~Performance Enhancement
Dance
Sports/Athletic
Public Speaking

This is my favorite tool for resolving issues—both for myself and for my clients, because it is quick, easy and content-free. As a survivor (thriver!) of past abuse, I use it for myself all the time and love it. It is just so nice to be free from worries, fears and memories that used to cause me so much anxiety, fear and pain. That it was so easy and fast to fix them is such a relief to me.

I have also used it for myself and others to enhance dancing/athletic confidence and abilities, so that now I am enjoying an anxiety-free experience in Argentine tango dancing.

Contact me for more info or to set up your in-person (Fort Collins, CO, USA), phone or Skype session.

No matter your tools and path, may you know happy, easy, peaceful self-growth! Godspeed.

Photo courtesy of Death to the Stock Photo.