Tag Archives: healing

Stand Your Sacred Ground: Owning my Shame.

shame boy-666803_640

 

Shame is all the proverbial rage now, right? Brene Brown is a household name. Everyone is conversant on shame and vulnerability. It’s trendy. And I love that Dr. Brown’s goal of creating a world-wide discussion on shame has been a success.

 

I love her work, and I applaud just about everything I read or see that sports her name. I even went to see her last year in person. It was awe-inspiring and Real and something I can cross off my bucket list. I can die happy now. She is one of my (s)heros—and I don’t have very many.

 

So I can honestly say I think it is so very wrong to try and shame someone else—or even ourselves—on purpose. I even have problems when I find I have shamed someone inadvertently, when I say or do something totally innocently that causes another person to go into a shame spiral.

 

It makes me have to do some personal soul-searching when I find out that has happened. Did I do that passive-aggressively?! Were my motives truly innocent?! WTF?!

 

And in all this soul-searching I have done–on both sides of shame, I have discovered one very important thing:  I have to own my own shame. We, as humans, have to own our own shame. We have to own our triggers and our buttons. When someone pushes our buttons—purposefully or accidentally—it is not on them to heal that shit.

 

It’s on me.

 

When someone says something to me that pushes my buttons, that triggers a PTSD flashback, that drops shame in my lap so suddenly that I am disabled in that moment, it is not on them to apologize and make it better and heal it and fix it.

 

Again, it’s on me.

 

Sure, they are definitely fucked up if they have decided shaming and triggering someone on purpose is some type of sick fun—but it is still not their circus, not their monkeys. And don’t get me wrong in any sense of the interpretation of this rant. I am never okay with shaming—no matter how it happens.

 

What I am saying:  It is time to own my shame. If someone says or does something from which I get triggered or feel shame, it is my responsibility to own that, to explore that button, that shame trigger, and heal it.

 

I don’t get to play the trendy shame victim card and blame my shit on someone else and never dive in to find out why that particular word, phrase, attitude, tone of voice, etc. pushes my buttons. They are my buttons, and I cannot expect anyone else to even know of their existence, much less try and avoid them.

 

My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to first, get myself out of shame safely. Brene Brown has an excellent shame resiliency method. Second, after I can function again, my mission is to get real and honest with myself and do some exploring to find out why I felt shame.

 

Lastly, I need to heal that button. I need to do whatever is needed and possible to heal that in me. I need to know that that time my father, in my childhood, said, “You don’t know what you are doing! Let me do it!” in a shaming voice, does not mean that every time someone says, “Let me do it,” I have to feel that same shame it originally produced.

 

I can grow. I can heal the past to stop the shame in the present and future. I can own my shame. I can own my triggers. I can heal them. And if they are not heal-able right now, they might be in the future and with more work on my part. And if I can’t heal them, even with all the healing work I can put into the problem, I can at least be aware of their presence and navigate my life accordingly.

 

What do you do after the first, hot, immediate, horrible flush of shame has passed?

 

Do you “puff up” and want to get aggressive and shame them in return as your response? Do you “shrink” and want to people-please and start apologizing? Or do you “stand your sacred ground,” and get out of the situation as quickly as possible and have a look at it later to heal yourself?

 

“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Just stand your sacred ground.” ~Brene Brown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

contents of the Lightwork Handbook

In the Beginning

The category “the lightwork handbook” is intended to cover many aspects of light/energy work. Having done light/energy work for 20 years now, I am always getting questions from folks about how to clear themselves or their homes/businesses, how to do energy work (similiar to Reiki and Hands on Healing), etc. So I offer in this category some of the same information I have been teaching in my classes for many years. Please feel free to comment on any article with questions, and I will do my best to answer. If I don’t personally know the answer, I will channel it for you from the Masters.

I will cover:
*How to Clear Yourself and your Space/Home/Business
*How to Meet and Communicate with Your Spirit Guides/Guardian Angels
*How to Discover and Change the Unconscious Beliefs that are Creating Your Life
*Open to Channeling Messages and Healing Energy
*Recommended Books
*Working with Colors
*Working with Chakras and the Energy Bodies
*Meditation
*Etc.

in the middle

my breath

I like it best
when it is
mixing
with Yours

creating
Our Breath

an absolute
then
not just
a mixture
of two

so finely
infinitely
combined
as to be
One

I climb the breath
down
letting myself
descend
that ladder
into the vast Stillness

to the

We

let the body
have the wheel
to drive for a while
b/c it always remembers to breathe
without me

while I am sitting
with myself
in the Middle
in the We

the body takes
us down dark
dusty
sometimes muddy
back roads
where only locals
dare to steer

we giggle at the periodic danger
signs posted
along the road sides

turn back now!
they scream from
shiny rectangles
and
squares
throwing back
the headlights’ glare
dead end!
we laugh louder

without sound
without moving
without laughing

we have been here before
to this same exact
very place

picking up even more
momentum
without moving

we crash through
the ‘dead end’
barricade
at breath speed

lifting off

never blinking
only breathing

and fly in
to the

We

breathing…

breathing…

just breathing…

breath…

soft mouthfuls
of We

until…

just…   right…   There…

Stillness

I take it in
roll it around
in here
and then spit it out
again

warmed
and smelling
of chocolate